


if there's any other way

by witchy_country616



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6915658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_country616/pseuds/witchy_country616
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick casts him off before the unthinkable happens. And on his own, Shane learns some things about himself, reunites with his old group on the way to Terminus, finds a woman he might actually love and the possibility of a different – better – life in this new world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This follows the canon events of s04-06, but focusing on Shane and what would have happened if Rick hadn't killed him at the end of s02.  
> Unbeta’d, all the mistakes are mine.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcomed, but if you don’t like the pairing or this type of story, then don’t read.

 

_And what matters ain’t the who’s baddest,_

_But the ones who stop you falling your ladder_

short change hero – the heavy

 

After Rick comes back and saves him from being overrun by walkers on that school bus, they stop the car in the middle of the road, halfway to the farm, to put the kid back in the truck. And then Rick addresses the elephant in the room, what they both have been thinking about since they left that parking lot: “If you are gonna kill me, you have to do better than that. Better than throwing a ranch at me when angry.” His voice is firm and resolute, what Shane came to expect from Rick, the leader, but he ain’t mad. No, it seems Rick has been expecting something like this from him since he figured out what had happened between him and Lori.

Shane, however, doesn’t know what to say. There is no use of lying. He never expected them to get this far, but Rick knows him better than anyone, and he knows that back then, in the middle of that fight, Shane wanted nothing more than to kill him. Even now, as the shame over his own actions consumes him and he is unable to look his brother in the eye, there’s another part of him that is still angry and resentful and believes that killing Rick would solve all of his problems. “Look at me. Shane, look at me.” When he finally relents and makes eye contact, Rick continues, “But I’m not giving you the chance. If we continue down this path, there is no coming back. One of us is going to die. Maybe both of us… And I can’t go back to that farm thinking you’re going to stab me in the back at the first opportunity. ‘Cause Lori, that’s _my wife_. Carl is _my son_. That baby she is expecting is _mine_. And I won’t have anyone take them away from me. Not even you.”

“So what are you saying, Rick? Huh? What’s this speech all about?” He flat out asks him, because he understands the words, but he doesn’t like where this is going. It seems Rick has finally had enough of him.

Rick sighs and looks away from him to the road, but there’s nothing and no one here in this backward road in the middle of Nowhere, Georgia. Not even the damn walkers are around. “You can’t come back. Not after today.”

The confusion Shane feels is not an act, he can literally feel himself shaking from head to toe and it’s equal parts anger at Rick and fear that he is being serious.

“You don’t mean that, man. You can’t. We’ve been together since the beginning, since before all this bullshit. How long have we known each other, huh? Since high school, man… What happened out there… that was a mistake, it’s not happening again.”

“We both know it wasn’t a mistake. And I can’t know for sure that it’s not going to repeat itself as soon as we go back, can I? In fact, I’m almost certain that it will.”

Rick looks at him waiting for more arguments, but Shane is empty of those. It’s not like what Rick is saying is not the truth.

So, before Sane can say anything else, Rick takes Shane’s gun out of his trousers’ back and puts it back into Shane’s hands together with a pocketknife.

“What’s this for?”

“A fair chance. Just like the one we were going to give to that boy. You get your gun, a knife, and maybe you will make it out there. At least you’ll have a chance.”

Shane can’t help himself, he laughs hard. “ You just gave me back my gun. What’s stopping me from just killing you right now and driving back to the farm? Saying the boy did it?”

“I don’t know. What is stopping you, Shane? Why don’t you take that gun and put a bullet into my brain? Look me in the eye and kill me. Why can’t you do it?” Rick is right on his face, his finger pointing towards his own forehead. “Why don’t you do it? Not that easy when you have to look me in the eye, is it?”

Shane takes the safety off his gun. “Don’t test me, man.”

“Maybe I want you to. Have you thought about that?” Rick says taking his own gun off the colder. “Try me, Shane. Maybe I’ll put a bullet in your brain first.” And Shane realizes he’s not the only one contemplating killing his brother. Rick might have an easier time hiding it, he is better at controlling those urges, but he has been having the same thoughts that Shane has. Some brothers they are…

“So, yeah, if you’re gonna do it, do it now.” Rick says as parting words and starts walking back towards the car, not even looking back.

Shane aims in his direction. Imagines the same scenario he just told Rick playing it out: going back alone, telling everyone the kid killed Rick and he had to kill the boy to save his own life. Dale and the old man Hershel would be suspicious, but there would be no proof and eventually they would accept it. Lori would cry and grieve, but come back to him in due time.

His finger hovers over the trigger.

Rick gets to the car’s door. Looks back at him, as if daring him to take the shot and kill him. He doesn’t shoot, watching as the car drives off.

He stays there for hours, sitting by the side of that desert Georgia road, waiting. Certain that Rick is going to regret his decision and come back for him. He went back for Merle, right? And Merle was a racist piece of redneck shit no one was going to miss. Therefore he has to come back for Shane. Only night falls and no one comes. It’s too late to go back to the farm on foot now, so he tries to sleep, but it’s not easy to drop down his guard when he’s alone, with no one to keep watch for walkers and people.

Dawn comes and when he starts walking, it’s on the opposite direction to the farm.

+

He loses count how many times he regretted his decisions. Regretted not killing Rick when he had the chance, regretted not walking back to the farm anyway after Rick cast him off. He bet if he had shown there that night they wouldn’t force him out, none of them had the guts to do it.

He starts walking back to the farm a few times, then changes his mind. Ain’t no point going back to these people that don’t want him, for a woman who only wanted him as a replacement.

But being on his own outside is hard. There is no one to watch his back. He learns to kill walkers with the knife and whatever other tools he finds, leaving the bullets as a last resort. Finds a car running a couple miles out, and it helps to rest his legs and offers some protection against the walkers. He manages 100 miles on that little Ford before the thing gives up on him, without gas, and he’s back on foot. He scavengers the few houses along the way in search of food, but it’s scarce and his body gets used to days at a time with little to nothing to eat. He starts putting traps and trying to hunt. Then gets angry with himself because he was never the hunting type like Daryl. Who knew these redneck hobbies would be useful after the end of the world.

Things got direr than he ever imagined possible, but somehow he kept going and survived. Turns out he is just too stubborn to give up and die, no matter how many times he contemplates putting a bullet on his own brain and ending the suffering.  

Sometimes still he dreams about the life they had on the farm, with plenty of food and a roof over his head. Those dreams always turn dark, with him killing Rick. He wakes up sweating and startled. But a few times he can’t wake up, and the dream continues. He takes Lori as his wife and raises Carl as his own son. Finally having a family, even if it used to belong to another man, to his brother. He almost wishes he didn’t wake up then.

Those thoughts are actually what keep him going, eyes on the road, each time farther away from his old group. Being on his own has given him some perspective, and he might be going crazy, might be unhinged, but ain’t ... No, no pointing in lying to himself, he _is_ that kind of man (that kills and cheats and takes his brother’s wife), but he doesn’t _want_ to be.

+

First time he sees one of the signs is completely by chance. He had been avoiding a group of weird looking guys by the road, and took another direction before they saw him to prevent a confrontation, ending up by the tracks. The sign says “Terminus, sanctuary for all. Those who arrive, survive” and he honestly thinks that’s some bullshit, ain’t no way people who got it good are just offering shelter and food to everyone.

He almost decides to ignore it. He is not looking for company. But Shane knows he won’t be able to withstand another winter outside, on the cold, alone. The first one was already almost unbearable, and it had been relatively mild, even for Georgia. But even if he manages to find a place to lay low before the next winter, who is to say people won’t be coming for it, trying to take the little he has. He has been outside long enough to know there’s always someone wanting to take what you have. And if they’re bigger and stronger than you, they will take it.

So he keeps to the tracks, following the signs. He doesn’t know if these Terminus people can be trusted, but out here only death awaits him, and he might as well check them out first.

He had been on tracks for two days before meeting any other travellers. He can hear them first, a couple feet in front of him and they seem like a big group. His first thoughts are to turn around, hide into the woods before they see them, at least until he can get a clear idea of what type of people they are.

But one voice and what he is talking about makes him stop. “First we had a camp in the outskirts of Atlanta, then we were in living in Maggie’s dad, Hershel’s farm and…”

He must have made some noise, alerted them to his presence, because suddenly he has five people turning around to him, four of them with their guns drown on him.

And he realizes it really is Glenn – with a new group, but really Glenn, not some figment of his imagination.

Glenn lowers his weapon slowly, even more surprised than Shane himself, not that he blames him. One thing he never expected was seeing any members of his old group again. Besides, he imagines he must look awful. He is still wearing the same clothes he used to, brown shirt, cargo pants and black combat boots, but his hair has grown back, and he has a full beard, since he hasn’t shaved in a few days. “Shane…? Is that you?”

The others keep their guns pointed at him, even after Glenn’s recognition.

“Yeah, that’s me. How… how are you doing, Glenn?” He says lamely. His voice sounds rough, strange and underused, even to his own ears.

“Guys, lower your guns. This is Shane, he used to be with us on that farm I was telling you about.” Glenn explains to the others, and then goes to Shane and gives him an awkward hug, saying, “It’s good to see you.” It’s the type of welcoming Shane was not expecting, especially because it seems sincere.

“It’s good to see you too, man.” He says and is surprised that he actually means it. “Are y’all going to that Terminus place?”

“Yes. You too?” Shane nods and Glenn adds, “Good, we can continue together.”

+

Glenn introduces the others as they continue their trek: the ginger man in military clothes is Abraham, the brown-skinned woman with her hair in pigtails and short shorts is Rosita and the weird guy with a mullet is Eugene. Apparently they’re in some mission to take Eugene, who is a scientist, to Washington so he can stop the epidemic and save the world. After what happened at the CDC Shane doesn’t believe there is a cure, but he’s not about to shatter anyone’s dreams. The other young woman following Glenn around like an overeager puppy is simply introduced as Tara, without a backstory. Shane doesn’t ask questions, simply accepts whatever Glenn feels like sharing and keeps quiet.

When they ask about his backstory and why Shane left the farm and Glenn’s group, he simply says, “I took off on my own. Wanted to see what else was out there”. Glenn doesn’t correct him and the others, even if they can sense the bullshit in his words, don’t pry.

After, once they’ve stopped for the night, he finally asks Glenn about his former group. He tells them they were living at a prison, had a good thing going until they were attacked and got separated in the aftermath. He’s been looking for Maggie and believes she would be going to Terminus in the hopes of finding him.

“I don’t know who else is alive. I woke up and they’re all gone. Hershel is dead, Tara told me.” He pauses and then adds as an afterthought, “Lori…Lori is dead too. She didn’t die then, she died during labor a few months ago. The baby survived, it’s a little girl. Carl named her Judith.”

Shane nods and after the silence stretches for an uncomfortable moment, he adds, “Hey, man, why don’t you go to sleep? I’ll keep watch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I don’t need much sleep.” Eager to be alone and process everything Glenn just told him.

“Okay… wake me up when you want to sleep and I’ll keep watch.”

“Sure, no problem.”

All this thoughts that night are about Lori, dead, after everything he did to keep her alive. Would she still be alive if he had been there? Shane doesn’t know anything about delivering babies, so probably not, not unless he could get her to a doctor and a hospital, things that don’t exist in this world anymore. And the baby girl she had… probably already dead too, if she is any lucky. And her name, Judith… Didn’t Carl have a teacher named Judith…? It shouldn’t matter anyway, that baby had never been his any more than Carl was.

The next day, against all odds, they find a note from Maggie written with walker blood on a sign to Terminus. He can see the disbelief on the face of his companions as Glenn takes off on a run, more determined than never.

“You are the only one who doesn’t seem surprised.” The woman named Rosita says curiously.

Shane offers her a small smile. “And I’m not. I knew these two from before. Whatever you throw at them, they’ll find a way.” And it’s true, Glenn had been on the brink of death so many times, but he always came through, always found a way back to those he loved.

+

From then on, they set on a brutal pace commanded by Glenn’s desire to find his wife. He usually keeps to himself on the back, making sure no one is getting the drop on them while Glenn hushes without a thought on the front.

“That’s a nice view.” Abraham says as way of introduction, falling in line by his side.

“What?” Shane asks, because he had been lost in thought, looking at…

“That little butt. Don’t think I didn’t catch you looking.” Abraham answers, shamelessly pointing at Rosita, who’s walking a few feet in front of them, talking to Eugene and blissfully ignorant of their conversation.

So he had been looking. Can’t help himself. He’s very much still a hot blooded male, no matter how hard he might try to pretend otherwise. And she’s this beautiful Latina woman walking around in short shorts, hair pulled in two pigtails under her hat and caring a rifle like she knows how to use it and is not afraid to. It’s every man’s dirty fantasy come to life. Today she is wearing pants instead of shorts, but even that doesn’t make her behind look any less enticing, and thus him getting lost in some inappropriate thoughts. If this had been _before_ , he would’ve been all over her, boyfriend or not. Now Shane keeps his distance. He’s been there, done that with another man’s woman. It doesn’t end well.

Abraham laughs, mistaking his silence for shame and taps him in a friendly manner in the back. “Don’t worry, man, I’m not the jealous type, you can look all you want. Hell, I admit it’s really hard not to pay attention to her. Did you see Tara the other day? Picking underneath her shirt?” Jackass really doesn’t seem to care, he’s actually weirdly proud of having other people checking out his woman. Shane doesn’t understand.

“Like you said, it’s hard not to look.” He says diplomatically, wanting to end that awkward conversation.

Rosita seems to have finally caught up to their conversation (must have been their stares on her butt), because she turns around, narrows her eyes at them (yes, Shane decides, she definitely knows what they’re talking about) and gives them both the finger.

Shane chuckles despite himself. She ain’t the type of woman to take any of their bullshit and he can’t help but like that.

+

Their pilgrimage comes to an abrupt stop in front of a long tunnel in the middle of the tracks. Glenn wants to go through it, of course, it’s the shortest way and there’s a new message from Maggie on the outside wall, they are only a couple hours away from them, if that. Her group clearly went in. Abraham, however, is being more cautious. He believes there are walkers inside and the safest way is to go around it.

Without much arguing, both groups decide to part ways, then, Abraham and company going back to the road and their mission to take Eugene to Washington while Glenn and Tara decide to go through the tunnel in search of Maggie. And suddenly, everyone is looking back at him waiting for his decision.

“What will be, hot shot? Are you coming with us or following these two idiots in their suicide mission?”

Shane is not stupid. Abraham is right, that tunnel is probably infested with walkers. He wants to get to Terminus, sure, but he’s not in a hurry, he could very well walk around it. There’s no reason to follow Glenn, which is why he is surprised when the next words out of his mouth are, “Shortest way. I’m taking the tunnel.”

“That’s it, then. If you guys change your mind, turn around, we might still be on the road looking for a car.” Abraham says, understanding what they’ve to do.

Rosita says her goodbyes hugging Tara, then Glenn, and, on an impulse, him as well. “Take care of them”, she says, as if Shane could somehow be trusted with keeping anyone alive.

“I will”, he answers sincerely, even if he doesn’t quite know when Glenn’s and Tara’s safety became important to him.

They watch as Abraham’s group walks off and then enter the dark tunnel with their weapons raised, Tara lightening the way with Abraham’s flashlight.

“You didn’t have to come with us.” Glenn says as soon as it’s only the three of them.

“Eh, not like I have something better to do.” He tries to play it cool, but Glenn only looks at him sideways like he knows Shane is bullshitting him.

He would like to give him a better and honest explanation, but he’s not sure that he can. He never really thought he owed Glenn – or Maggie, for that matter – anything, but somewhere along the way it also became part of his mission to see them reunited. If he’s being honest, Shane knows that he made everyone’s lives a living hell on that farm and he would never be able to atone for it (wasn’t even sure how much of it he actually regretted), but he could at least help Glenn find the woman he loved.

“Let’s get going, boy. The sooner we pass this tunnel, the sooner you’ll find Maggie.”

Of course it’s not that simple. Part of the ceiling has fallen down, blocking the way, and once they climb through the debris all they see on the other side are dozens of walkers.

“Oh, shit.”

Glenn gets down first and Shane follows him close by, only Tara falls and her leg gets stuck amongst the debris, and now they’re trapped against the fallen ceiling, surrounded by walkers coming at them.

“I’ll hold them out, you try to get her leg free.” He says between shooting walkers as Glenn tries to free Tara so they can escape.

“You two should go.” Tara says, and Shane doesn’t think he ever met anyone who put so little value on her own life like this girl. “Just leave me here. Go, go!”

“Don’t be stupid. I won’t leave you here.” Glenn says while taking out the debris on top of her foot.

“Either we all get out of here or none of us does.” Shane agrees and when he looks back at her, Tara’s face is so full of gratitude for both of them that it makes him uncomfortable. After all, he is fully aware this is a suicide mission, even if Glenn frees Tara’s leg, there’s no way they will fight their way through so many walkers.

Before he can think much about it, though, he hears a “get down” and suddenly there’re a bunch of bullets flying through. When the dust clears and they look up to see their saviors, Maggie is there. So are a man and a woman who he assumes to be her travel companions, Bob and Sasha, and, against all odds, Abraham, Rosita and Eugene.

After their tearful reunion, Maggie and Glenn start making the introductions amongst the groups.

“Shane?” And he can see Maggie wants to ask what the hell he is doing here, only Glenn taking her hand and shaking his head “no” stops her. After a moment, she finally settles for a “Thanks for helping Glenn.”

He nods, gives her a “we’re just on the same way to Terminus” and goes to the corner of the tunnel he claimed as his own to sleep.

Even if she doesn’t say anything, Maggie, more than Glenn, seems weary of his presence, following him around with her eyes. Not that he blames her. Not only was he awful to her family during his time on the farm, but he killed one of her people and tried to kill Rick. But whatever talk she and Glenn have later, it seems to appease her for the moment. Besides, there’s safety in numbers – even Maggie knows that – and he’s a good fighter to have around who just helped Glenn and Tara.

+

He is on the woods trying to find some meat to go with the few cans of food they still have for dinner when he eavesdrops on Maggie telling Rosita and Tara about his relationship with Lori and the power struggle with Rick, how he didn’t chose to leave, but was actually forced out by Rick after a fail attempt to kill him. He should feel betrayed, after all, it ain’t her business to be going around telling others, but he can’t manage to get angry at her. Better they all know whom they’re travelling with, isn’t it?

He expects some looks from the three of them when get back to camp, some acknowledgment that they know the most shameful events of his past, but Tara and Maggie don’t even glance at him. Rosita, on the contrary, searches him out. Without any preamble, she passes him the two cottontail rabbits the girls had caught and asks him if he could prep them as she gets the fire started as if nothing has changed. To say he’s caught off guard by her behavior is an understatement.

When he doesn’t answer, she knocks on his feet with her own to get his attention and says, “Shane, wake up. Can you skin them for me or not? Abraham always butchers them and we end up loosing half of the meat. I would like to actually eat something tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” He answers off-handily, still confused. When she looks at him questioning his strange behavior, he takes the rabbits and starts working on them silently, making sure to carefully take out only the skin and leave as much meat as he can.

After, when they’re all eating by the fire, he can’t help himself and asks, “Why?”, and figures she knows what he’s talking about.

She sighs, taking a sip from her canteen before answering. “I saw you out there in the woods. You heard when Maggie told us about you and Rick.”

“So this was what? Your way of saying you pity me, let’s be friends?”

“No.” She looks at him as if he was stupid. “You were not wrong. Yes, getting together with your friend’s wife, trying to kill him…that was a mess, no excuses. But trying to teach them to use guns, getting them ready for the world out here, that was the right thing to do. Out here is hard, it’s brutal. And if you are not prepared the people that you love will die. So it was my way of saying that you may have gone a little crazy, but that I don’t hold it against you because I understand where you’re coming from and you’re not wrong.” Having said her piece, she starts to get up without another world, prepared to join the rest of the group.

“Rosita…” He calls her out, stopping her. Shane doesn’t know what to say, so he settles for saying what he feels. “Thank you.”

Rosita nods in understanding before walking towards where Abraham is. He is relieved that she’s gone because he’s not sure he could have taken more of someone agreeing with him and defending his fucked-up choices. Andrea did to an extent, but Andrea’s acceptance was fueled by her own hurt and anger at the world, while Rosita’s comes from having seen what this world is like and having accepted that they have to fight to stay alive. It’s means so much more than he can ever express.


	2. Chapter 2

_For I have seen no joy, only danger,_

_I’ve seen no joy, only strangers,_

_I’ve seen no joy, seen no joy in this world_

sparrow and the wolf – james vincent mcmorrow

 

The very next day they arrive at the end of the line. It’s a huge industrial building, but there’re flowers in pots all around and a nice old lady welcoming them with food. He feels something warmth tugging at his heart and he realizes for the first time in so long he’s feeling hopeful. Maybe this is finally the place where he can start over.

“Why don’t you lower your weapon, children? And I’ll get you something to eat.” The old lady asks with a smile and Shane later thinks it was not hope, but some collective feeling of stupidity that they were all suffering from, because they do as she asks and lower their guns. And suddenly there are half a dozen snipers on the rooftops pointing their rifles at them.

“Step away from the weapons.” A male voice coming from the speakers warns them and they look at each other helplessly. If they hadn’t lowered their guns, they might have had a fighting chance, but now they’re easy pickings for the men on the roofs. Abraham gives him a look and tries to get back to his gun, trying to create a commotion that would give them a chance. But as soon as he moves, they fire a warning shoot directed at his feet. “Don’t even try it, ginger guy. We’ll shoot all of you before you can get any of us”, the voice says.

Shane can’t believe they’ve travelled this far only to fall victim to these people. Some luck they all have.

Soon they are all stripped of any belongings their captors consider of value (Glenn’s pocket watch and body armor, Maggie’s poncho) and thrown inside one of the huge train cargo containers in the yard.

They’ve been there for a few hours at least, debating what these people want and what is going happen to them, when the doors open again.

And if Shane thought seeing Glenn after a year was an otherworldly experience, nothing could’ve prepared him for the sheer emotion of seeing Rick again. He knew he was alive, sure, but it was something different seeing him with his own eyes, that man he had called brother and had both tried to save and kill. There was relief upon seeing him alive, but also some sadness and nostalgia upon everything they had lost along the way. Carl was with him, of course, he knew Rick would do whatever it took for his son; together with Daryl and a woman Shane didn’t know.

He can see the same surprise he feels all over Rick's face as he studies him, slowly coming closer.

“Those are our friends. We met on the tracks on the way here.” Maggie says a way of explanation for their companions, and looking from Shane to Rick, adds, “He helped us.“ She shouldn’t have bothered, though. Rick is already halfway to hugging Shane when she finishes. The affection is unexpected, but not unwelcome.

“It’s good to see you.” Rick says genuinely.

They don’t talk about Lori, though, nor any of the million other things Shane imaged they would discuss if they ever saw each other again. There’s no time to open up old wounds when they are in the middle of a life or death situation.

Rick is even more resolute than the last time he saw him and seems sure they will escape and fight their way through this. Shane is not so sure, but then he was always the more pessimist out the two of them. In any case, he is prepared to go down fighting with whatever he’s got.

Not much after they start their preparations, fashioning new weapons out of their clothes and whatever else they have in hand, the doors open again and they take the all men in their group out of the wagon into a large room where they are forced to kneel on the ground waiting for the slaughter.

It looks like a big butcher room, and one of the men is knocking down the prisoners with a baseball bat while another stabs their throats and drains their blood. Shane never saw anything more disgusting in his entire life.

One of them is ready to swing the bat at Glenn when suddenly there’s an explosion outside (that he would later find out was thanks to Carol Peletier, who knew), creating the perfect distraction for them to get the upper hand against their captors, kill them and escape.

+

From the on, it’s all very chaotic. They set their people still on the container free, and it’s everyone running for their lives, swinging their weapons at both walkers and people as they come their way.

Rick is more ruthless than Shane has ever seen him and he’s right there with him, prepared to exterminate these people for what they tried to do to them and have been doing to God knows how many others before. The rest of the group, however, decidea to just go on their way and let whoever is left alive of these Terminus people fend for themselves amid the fire and destruction.

And it turns out, after the nightmare they’ve been through, there’s still a silver lining. Not only was Carol the one to save them – one more member of the old Atlanta group finding her way back – but she also informs them baby Judith is still alive, healthy and safe, together with Sasha’s brother Tyreese. Some people indeed are lucky like that.

When he first sees Judith, she’s safely tucked in Tyreese’s arms, a happy baby, blissfully ignorant of their current living conditions. Rick, Sasha and Carl run ahead towards their loved ones, their relief evident and contagious.

He can feel his own heart clench at the reunited picture of Rick, Carl and Judith without Lori and watches from afar as the tall black woman with dreadlocks Rick introduced as Michonne joins them in the family portrait. A different family unit it seems, but a family nonetheless.

“Don’t you want to see her?” Rosita asks by his side. He hadn’t even seen when she joined him, so lost he was in his own mind.

“See whom?” He says, even though he’s pretty sure he knows whom Rosita means.

“The baby. Judith.” Her answer makes him roll his eyes, because, yeah, that’s exactly who he thought she meant.

“Why the hell would I wanna see a baby?” His bluntness doesn’t scare her off, though, and she looks at him as if he’s being purposefully dense (which he is).

She bites her lower lip, as if pausing to consider what to say, before deciding being honest is the best choice, “From what I’ve heard, there’s a big chance she is your daughter as much as his. I figured you would at least like to meet her.”

He had thought about it, of course. Thought about it since Maggie and Glenn told him Lori had died after labor and that the baby, a girl, had been born healthy. Thought about this little being, a piece of both him and Lori turned into something beautiful, something alive and growing, the best of them. It would have been nice, he thinks. To have something good come out of all the chaos and destruction their relationship had brought. But that ain’t how it happened and ain’t nothing more than his fucked-up wishes. From the moment Lori found herself pregnant, she _knew_ who the father was. And that father ultimately took upon himself to care of her and the baby, made sure Judith lived beyond her birth and was here today.

“Nah, she has always been Rick’s.” What he means is, even if _biologically_ she had been Shane’s, Rick was the only father she had ever had. He wouldn’t destroy that. Not again, not based on a hunch that she could be his. It wouldn’t be fair to any of them. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel a pang on his chest when he looks at their family portrait. And apparently Rosita can see on his face the sorrow and the longing he still feels for the Grimes family. She doesn’t say anything else though, and he appreciates it.

It’s not only the baby that is not his, however. No, that’s not the problem. As they continue their trek through the forest, getting the farthest away from Terminus as they can, the group feels foreign, with inside jokes he doesn’t know and the same way of thinking that comes with having spent so much time depending on each other for survival. Even the addition of Abraham, Eugene and Rosita doesn’t change the dynamic much. But _he_ remains the odd man out. And it doesn’t help that Daryl and Carol keep giving him dirty looks, weary of his behavior at every turn. He also knows that Rick is just waiting to talk to him alone, but Shane keeps avoiding him, unwilling to discuss all that’s happened.

He often thinks about taking off on his own, because there’s no place for him amongst them, but somehow refrains from. It is not like he has anywhere else to go. A group, even a ragtag bunch like this one, offers better protection and chances of survival than being alone. So he tells himself it’s the safest choice and that as long as Rick or whoever is in charge doesn’t send him off again, he will continue with them. And he ignores the voice in his head that says that he has been alone for so long that any company is better than no company.

+

They – or, better saying – Rick, Carl and some of the others save a priest from nearly getting eaten by walkers on the woods (Shane himself didn’t lift a finger to help the guy, no way). But apparently this guy, Father Gabriel, as shady and weird as he is, has a church close by where they can camp and rest for a while, which is better than staying outside.

Turns out that the church is not only in good conditions, capable of sheltering all of them, but there’s a bus on the back that, with a little bit of repairs, can serve as transportation. That, of course, gets a discussion going, as Abraham wants them to leave as soon as possible and Rick wants them to rest and procure supplies. Most of them agree with Rick, even Tara, the newcomer has already accepted Rick’s leadership and is more part of the group than he ever was. One by one, they all enter the church following Rick, until the only people outside are himself, Rosita, Eugene and Abraham.

“What about you Shane, don’t you want to come with us to Washington?” Rosita asks and Shane doesn’t know if she particularly cares about his company or if she’s just trying to fill some quota of the quantity of people they need to have protecting Eugene to make such a trip viable. It does make him stop and think, though.

So far, Shane has been absent to all talks about going to Washington and he really hadn’t given the possibility much thought. At first his only priority was to get to Terminus and find a place to lay low before winter. Obviously, that idea was now gone and they were still in the middle of summer. He had absolutely no plan and had been prepared to follow whatever direction Rick and the others decided. The idea of driving off to Washington had its appeal, though. At the very least, it offered him a purpose, something he hadn’t had in a long time. Helping save the world, as far fetched as that idea was, wouldn’t be half bad.

“If…if Abraham can manage to fix the bus, I’ll go with you guys when you leave. No matter what Rick decides doing.” He ends up saying.

“Fair enough. We’re gonna try to get that old thing going as fast as we can.” Abraham answers, taking Eugene with him to work on the bus and leaving Rosita with Shane to go inside the church and check out Rick’s orders.

“There you are.” Rick says as soon as they enter. Everyone else is getting their weapons and preparing to leave. “Where are Abraham and Eugene?”

“Trying to get the bus running.” Rosita answers. “Got anything for us to do?”

“Yeah, we’re all checking out a couple of places the Father thinks might still have supplies. You two okay with going together?”

“Sure.” Rosita answers again and Shane shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn’t care who he gets paired up with.

“Good. You can check out the stores on the south of town while we’ll go check the food bank. Come back here before sunset, we don’t want anyone staying outside alone.”

+

They walk side by side in silent into town.

“I am glad you’re coming with us to Washington.” She admits out of the blue when they arrive on the part of town they’re supposed to scavenge the stores.

“Why?” He asks, puzzled.

“We need people. At one point we were ten traveling together, and still lost them one by one. Plus, Eugene is useless; he doesn’t even know how to hold a gun. That’s how we lost our previous transport, by the way. He shot the tank trying to get some walkers.”

“No way.” He says, unintentionally laughing at the image she conjures. He thought she was going to start some serious conversation about the importance of their mission, but she had quickly turned the mood light and he appreciates a breather from the “we have to save the world” talk.

She nods. “That’s when we decided to follow Glenn to Terminus. So, yeah, we need people who know how to use a gun without shooting our transport.”

“Thanks.” He retorts sarcastically.

“Well, it is a necessary skill.” She says and he can see a fun twinkle in her eyes beneath her cap when she raises her head and looks up at him. “So, which place do you wanna hit first? They all look run over to me.”

She is right, Shane notices. Most the stores have the windows or the doors broken and it seems people have gone through this area more than once. Until he sees one store that seems almost intact. “C’mon, there.”

Rosita looks into the direction he’s point. “Anna’s cupcake store, really?”

“I don’t see any better options, do you?”

They walk together to the store, Shane in the front and Rosita on the back, covering him with her rifle. And maybe it’s because of all the time she spent on the road with Abraham, but Shane realizes then how easily she falls into position, alert and ready, as if she has also been in the military and it offers him some comfort and an unexpected nostalgia for his days on the police force.

Closer, he realizes the store is more rundown than it seemed from a far, but there no walkers around and they decide to still go in and check it out.

They’re coming up empty until Shane decides to check inside the baking pans. “Hey, we just got lucky.” He says and lifts the two boxes of AR-15 ammunition he just found.

“That’s better than food.” She says, her delight unmistakable. “And since I’m the only one carrying a AR-15 rifle out of the two of us, you should just hand those over.”

He smiles back at her and says, “I don’t know, finders keepers”, keeping the boxes away from her and watching as she rolls her eyes in frustration. He doesn’t quite understand where his desire to tease her comes from, but it’s harmless fun so he doesn’t question it. She _does_ look great when she gets mad, so that’s something.

“You are gonna wish I had those the next time our lives are in danger.” She says, pointing her finger at him to emphasize her point and his only answer is to smirk at her, putting the boxes on his trousers’ pocket.

They go out and check a few of the more promising stores around and, though it’s not much, they still find one can of tomato soup and another of black beans. Rosita gets lucky on the third place and finds one twix chocolate bar that she gives to Shane in exchange for the two boxes of ammo.

“That doesn’t even make sense.” He says when she first offers him the trade.

“Chocolate for ammo, it’s a bargain. Hand them over.” She answers, her face serious.

He chuckles and takes the boxes of ammunition out of his pocket, putting them in her open palm and taking the twix bar from her hands. He doesn’t even _like_ chocolate.

When they get back, the others are already preparing dinner with all that they found at the food bank. They have beans, pasta, tomato soup and even some chocolate pudding for dessert. It’s a feast and Shane swears the food tastes better than anything he ever had in his whole life, but that’s probably his hunger speaking. Father Gabriel even lets them open his communion wine and everyone has a glass. Judith gets passed around, everyone wanting to hold the baby, and though he stays safely away from her, he can see her smile and hear her little laugh from across the room every time someone makes cooing noises or rubs her little belly. Abraham gives a speech about how they’re all survivors and the need to _do_ more, _be_ more, and go to Washington. Rick finally agrees and there’s laugh and cheer all around as they celebrate being alive and having hope again.

In all, it was probably one of the happiest days he had in a long time. He wishes it could have lasted.

+

It all goes down hill from there. Bob goes missing, and so do Daryl and Carol. The priest turns out to be some piece of shit that left his own congregation outside of the House of God to be eaten by walkers. It seems like everyone left on this world has done something deplorable in order to stay alive.

Bob gets dropped back in front of the church a few hours later. He’s bitten and minus one leg, but still alive. After seeing people’s bodies parts dried and exposed as a piece of meat in Terminus, Shane thought nothing else could shock him. And yet, when Bob starts telling how these people just cut his leg, roasted and ate it in from of him, Shane has to contain himself to not throw up all what’s left of his dinner in disgust.

Bob tells them of how the group is looking for vengeance and they won’t stop until they’ve killed everyone in Rick’s group. Abraham wants to hightail out of there in the middle of the night as soon as the danger becomes clear while Rick wants to finish this once and for all. What follows is a big discussion of what they should do, and who is going to stop whom from leaving.

“Try to stop us from getting on that bus. C’mon, Rosita, Shane, get your stuff, we’re going.” Abraham says, pissed off and fed up with Rick.

Shane doesn’t miss Rick’s surprised look at the idea he was prepared to leave with Abraham, but he stops him before he can say anything, his mind already made up. And for once, Rick and Shane are completely on the same page. “Sorry, man, I know I said I would and I will, but I’m not leaving while any of these people are alive.”

Abraham sighs in frustration, getting even more upset. “Fine, stay here, then. But the three of us are leaving.”

Thankfully, because of the willingness of Glenn, Maggie and Tara to join them on their trip, Abraham agrees to stay another twelve hours to take care of these fucking Termites. And it works because Rick does have a plan, a pretty good one that ensures they will leave no survivors alive.

So, when what’s left from the group from Terminus enters at the church, they’re behind them, Sasha picking them up one by one until they surrender and kneel in front of them, on the church’s altar.

It’s a bloodbath. They’re vicious, killing every last one of them up close, using their weapons to bash their skulls instead of finishing the work quickly with bullets.

Afterwards, he can see the despair and the horror in Maggie’s, Glenn’s, Tara’s faces at the massacre their friends have so eagerly perpetrated, in a church no less. All of them, they never thought they would get to this point of exterminating another group, out of vengeance, because in order for them to keep going, the others had to die. It’s like Rick says, “it could’ve been us.”

Shane, however, is strangely calm, and though he agrees with Rick, he doesn’t need any reassuring words. He’s not happy or satisfied; killing doesn’t bring him any joy either. But he understands it’s something necessary – he had come to that conclusion a long time ago when he decided to shot an innocent man on the leg just so that he could walk out of there alive and take back to Carl the medicine that would save his life.

He looks ahead to where the priest is standing by the door of his private office, horror and disapproval clear on his face, and sees Rosita standing behind him. When their eyes lock, she doesn’t look away, not from his stare, not from the massacred bodies on the floor. Instead, she holds his gaze and on her face he sees the shared resolution at the necessity of what they’ve just done. _This_ is the reason why they all are still standing, he thinks.

The group is still torn afterwards, though, with Rick unwilling to leave without Daryl and Carol. Shane doesn’t fault him exactly; these three have always been family to each other. But since Abraham is determined to continue on his mission without any more delays, they’ll be splitting up.

They are loading the bus with supplies when Rick reaches out and calls him aside, directing him to the side of the church where they can talk privately without being overheard. Shane had been doing a good job avoiding Rick since Terminus, but now it seems he won’t have a choice but talk to him.

“So, you’re leaving, are you sure about that?” Rick asks right off the bat, not bothering with small talk.

“That’s the plan, going to world save the world.” Shane answers, deflecting his question about whether or not he is sure.

Rick nods and looks down at the ground, seeming unsure about the best way to continue this conversation. “We should probably talk about everything that’s happened.”

“Do you want to?” Shane says before he can stop himself.

“I think we have to.” Rick retorts and Shane almost rolls his eyes, exasperated. Because that’s the Rick that he knows, always doing what he has to and what’s right.

“I don’t think talking about it will change anything. You did what you thought you had to do, man. Now we are here. It is what it is.” Talking about it makes him uncomfortable, and Shane can feel himself itching to just go beat up some walkers and leave Rick talking by himself.

“Do you still blame me? For sending you away? For Lori… dying?”

Shane sighs, realizing Rick is not going to let him go until their air everything out.

“Glenn told me she died in childbirth. From what little I know about that, there ain’t much either one of us could have done to save her. That’s the truth.”

“And…?”

“Like I said, you did what you thought was right.”

Rick shakes his head no. “See, I’m not so sure it was the right thing to do. I let my own jealousy over you and Lori dictate my actions and ignored all the things you were saying. Out here it’s a new world order, it’s kill or be killed. I tried to… tried to pretend it wasn’t for too long, and every time I did it, people died. People whose lives I was responsible for. I’m not letting that happen again, that’s why these people had to die last night.”

Shane nods in understanding. It’s not so much that Rick now thinks Shane was right, but that he knows they don’t have many choices as they once did.

“And I want you to know that you can have a place here. You don’t have to leave with Abraham.” Rick says and Shane doesn’t know if it’s just a token invite or if he actually means it.

“Nah… I figure it’s worth a shot, right? Going to Washington, seeing if the mad scientist can cure this epidemic, it’s better than causing trouble around here.” Shane retorts, trying to keep the mood light. What he doesn’t say is that being around Rick and his family, and all of the Atlanta group still makes him uncomfortable, a constant reminder of his past.

“That’s fair. Maybe we’ll see each other there again.”

Shane nods in agreement. “See you soon, brother.”

+

The first few miles of the drive to Washington start so normal Shane is reminded of a group of boy scouts going on an excursion. He is sitting all the way on the back of the church bus, eyes closed and only half listening to the group’s mindless chatter about haircuts when suddenly they’re veering off the road, the bus flips and they’re crashing. Before they can even process what happened, walkers are closing in around the bus and they are back to fighting their way through them.

“Maybe we should go back to the church.” Glenn says between shortened breaths, after they have dispatched the walkers.

Abraham shakes his head no profusely. “We can’t. We can’t. We’re not stopping now and we’re not going back.” He says, growing increasingly agitated at every word. “Let’s get the rest of our stuff from the bus and…”

Before he can continue, the bus goes up in flames in front of them, and they’re left with only the clothes on their bodies and their weapons.

“Oh, shit.” That’s the only comment Shane makes and he thinks it’s particularly appropriate, even though Glenn side eyes him.

“Look, man,” He can hear Glenn starting his discussion with Abraham again, with his softest voice, as if he’s speaking to an agitated horse. “It’s up to you, we’re following your lead. We can go back and get some supplies, maybe find another vehicle. But if you want to continue, we will go with you.”

Abraham nods, seeming a little bit calmer. “We will continue. We’ll find some cars along the way, but we can’t go back.”

So they keep walking. “Nice try.” Shane whispers at Glenn, patting him in the back and Glenn makes a face at him.

“You could have helped.” He says, just as low so the others can’t hear them, and Shane shakes his head no.

“Ain’t no way I’m getting in the middle of that. Better let you handle it.”

Truth is… Shane can see Abraham is strung tighter than one of Daryl’s bowstrings. And he can see it because it’s exactly the same way he was back in the farm, when everything put him on edge until he was just a bomb waiting to explode. Sooner or later, Abraham is gonna break and ain’t gonna be pretty. It’s better to let Glenn try to calm him while he can than get himself involved and light a fire on everything. Maybe Shane _is_ learning something, after all.

They spend the night at a library in a desert town, Shane unable to actually fall asleep due to Eugene’s snoring next to him and the sex noises coming from Rosita and Abraham in the other room.

The next morning he is cranky and ready to get back on the road. Nothing is that easy with them, though. Abraham convinces them get a fire truck, a simple mission that turns into fighting a bunch of walkers to secure the truck and Eugene **not** being useless for once, and using the water jet from the truck to save all their lives.

Shane would even consider it a win, if not for the fact that ten miles outside of town the truck stopped due to walker guts on the engine and that there was a herd a couple of miles in front of them, blocking the road to Washington.

They get into another heated discussion about what they should do, Abraham willing to kill all of them by making them go through the herd, when Eugene comes forward and admits that he’s no scientist and that there’s no cure, that he invented the whole thing in order to get protection. Shane chuckles incredulously, ain’t that the cherry on top of everything?

Abraham launches himself in Eugene’s direction before they can stop him. “You lied? You piece of shit…” And punches him in the face, knocking him down on the pavement. They all crowd over Eugene, trying to provide some kind of assistance.

“What the hell, man?” Shane yells at him.

“He’s still breathing. But you knocked him out cold.” Glenn says.

“Abraham! You could have killed him!” Rosita yells outraged. The disappointment over Eugene’s lie had been all over her face mere seconds ago, but it has been quickly replaced by her anger at Abraham almost killing him.

“I should kill him! Matter of fact, I WILL.” He yells back at her.

“No, you won’t. I won’t let you.” She says, stopping in front of him resolutely, her hand on the colder of her gun.

“Get the hell out of the way, Rosita.” He says in a warning voice that has Shane standing up and moving closer to them.

“No, you will have to go through me first to kill him.”

Right as she says it, Abraham takes her right arm, attempting to move her out of the way by force, and Rosita automatically swings the other one in his direction, grabbing onto his left arm and attempting to counterbalance his force. Abraham then raises his elbow, trying to get way from her grip, and accidentally hits her in the face, his elbow against her nose and mouth.

Shane quickly gets in the middle of the two, untangling them and raising his own gun at Abraham.

“Don’t, man. Get away from her. Don’t make me use this.” He says seriously.

Abraham takes one look at them, Shane ready to shoot, Rosita nursing her slit lip with her hand, trying to stop the bleeding, and turns around, walking into the bushes by the road. It doesn’t take two seconds for Rosita to starts walking in the same direction.

“Woah, where are you going?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going after him.” She says without even turning around to look at him and he quickly rushes in front of her, forcing her to stop.

“You can’t. The guy just took a swing at you. He’s out of control. Who knows what he’s gonna do next. At least let him cool down.”

She shakes her head no and starts speaking angrily, “I know him; you don’t. It was an accident. Abraham would never have hit me on purpose. He just wanted me to get out of the way. Just like I need you to get out of mine.”

“Rosita…” He starts, calling her name softly. Shane wants to tell her he might not know much about Abraham, but he _knows_ what he’s going through and it’s better to leave him alone for now, but the words fail him and she doesn’t wait for what he has to say.

“No offense, Shane, but I’m not some helpless girl for you to defend. You need to worry about yourself and stay out of our business.” She says and walks around him, following Abraham into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I have no idea what type of rifle Rosita carries, but I did research and a AR-15 is a semi-automatic civilian rifle that can be bought in most of the US states, so it seemed like a good choice and something maybe a cupcake store owner would have as well. I mean, stranger things have happened. Plus, it was listed as one of the best rifles to have in case of a ZA in one website, so here you go.  
> Next chapter will be from Rosita's pov and we'll see what she and Abraham talk about in the woods!  
> Lastly, thank you to everyone that read, left kudos or comments. I didn't think anyone would be interested in reading this, so it means the world that y'all did. Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	3. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! If anyone is still interested in reading this, I'm sorry for the long wait. This chapter is from Rosita's pov. If you don't remember, when we left her, she had just followed Abraham into the woods after he punched Eugene.

_everything’s weird and we’re always in danger_  
_why would you shatter somebody like me?_  
you were a kindness – the national

+

She walked silently after him into the woods. Because, since had she met him, wasn’t that always the way? Abraham went ahead, and Rosita followed.

+

When Rosita was eighteen, she stupidly decided to forego community college and move together with her piece of shit boyfriend (then known as the greatest love of her life) from Santa Fe, New Mexico, to Texas. Her father had been so disappointed in her he didn’t even say goodbye when she left, and it would take them over a year to get over their pride and speak again. It had been her big brother Carlos, on leave from the Marines, who made sure she had everything she needed and that, very seriously, gave her a gun to put in her bag. _Just in case_ , he had said. She had rolled her eyes theatrically and said that he was being paranoid. _Humor me_ , he answered with a wink.

Why Texas, you ask? Just because Javi had been sure he was going to find a job at one of the oil fields and they’re going to become rich. You know, a friend of a friend of his had one, so he would get it too. Turns out you actually need some qualifications to work on an oil field and Javi, having only his gotten GED, didn’t have them. So they ended up settling in Dallas, figured they would find some jobs in the big city, you know, try to make things work, both of them too proud, too young, to just turn the car around and go back home. They made through eight months – a record, in her opinion – before Rosita left their place on a fit of rage with her suitcases to never come back.

She liked Dallas, though. And since she and her father were still not in speaking terms, she had stayed. She found another apartment, some roommates and started selling handcrafted jewelries to complement the money she got from waitressing.  

Some five years later and she was still waitressing and selling jewelries, but was finally planning on going college. In fact, she had filed-out applications for both Richmond and El Centro community colleges Art Programmes on her kitchen table and was scrolling through pictures of her last trip back home (both her father and her six year-old nephew smiling as they proudly showed to the camera her handcrafted leather bracelets), when the tv news she had on as background noise announced that those few cases of rabid people trying to bite and eat others had turned into a major epidemic across the country, urging people to stay calm and at home, because the government had a solution while at the same time alerting to the contagious nature of the condition and to not engage with the infected. Years later, it was the kind of thing she still remembered clear.

And she did stay calm, after all, she not one prone to hysterics. That is, until her roommate came out of her room growling at her and Rosita had to take her previously unused gun and shoot her in the face because she wouldn’t stop coming at her.

If her big brother had been there, he would have admired her clean shot. As it was, she gave herself a moment to breathe, then checked her body out for scratches and started packing her bag to look for a safer place.

+

On the car, the radio announced the government had set up a Dallas Refugee Center inside the Cowboys stadium. They were putting up barracks for the people in the field, and the army was there to offer protection. They asked them to go there instead of the hospitals, which were completely packed.

She never made it anywhere close to the football field, though. The streets were completely packed with people, cars and the occasional infected person who had to be put down. The first night she slept alone in her car, surrounded by people in other cars in the same situation, holding on tight to her gun and waking up to the smallest of sounds.

On the second day she was lucky enough to find one of her co-workers, whose group had set up a base in an abandoned warehouse a couple blocks over. This was still in the beginning, when people were not so weary of others, and Hanna’s vouching for her was enough to secure Rosita a safe place to sleep. Besides, she wasn’t planning on staying. Her plan was to go to the Refugee Center and then, once things had calmed down, head back to New Mexico to see her family. But soon they received news the Refugee Center had collapsed. The situation got drier everyday and too many of the infected were around, having taken over the streets. The rare news she received from out-of-town travellers told her things were even worse on the West Coast and, even though she didn’t want to believe it, with the phones being down and nothing coming from New Mexico, she knew her family was most likely dead. And trying to travel to NW on her own would be a suicide mission.

So she stayed in Dallas and somehow their group survived, in no small part due to sheer luck. Clumsily - most of them had never held a gun in their lives -, they learned how to kill the infected, even to use knifes and other tools as weapons, saving their bullets. They cleaned the area around and started going on runs for food and supplies around. After the first few weeks, it was rare that they meet other humans and they got used to being the only ones alive on that part of town.

Rosita adapted faster than most to that situation. Everyday she would thank her brother, not only for giving her a gun, but to teaching her how to use it when she was sixteen (in secret and against their father’s wishes). Shooting, and doing so quickly and with precision, not wasting any bullets, became second nature to her. She wasn’t so bad with a knife either, and even though she was on the small side, she was young and fit enough to handle herself against the walkers, and smart enough to run when things got too hard for them to handle. So, unlike Hanna who usually stayed inside the base cooking and cleaning, Rosita was always going on runs with some of the others.

It was on one of those runs that she first saw Abraham.

Her group had managed to trap themselves into a corner, surrounded by walkers. Some of them were already panicking, thinking that they were going to die. But not Rosita, she took a deep breath and started shooting. When her gun run out of bullets, she got a knife and continued to try to kill them one of by one. Her hand was going numb already when she heard some guy shouting and suddenly she had company in her task. He was good, better than anyone in her group, and quickly and together they dispatch those things.

“Thank you.” She says sincerely when it’s all over. “We would probably be dead if it wasn’t for you.”

He nods his head, accepting her gratitude. “We don’t leave anyone behind.” He states, and Rosita notices for the first time he’s not alone. There’s another guy standing awkwardly behind him, holding their bags and curiously watching them.

“Yeah, thanks, man.” One of the guys in her group thanks him again. “Y’all passing through or do you have a place near by?”

“As a matter of fact…me and my friend are just passing through in our way to Washington, DC.” He answers matter-of-factly.

“Why DC?” She asks.

“Ma’am, my name is Sergeant Abraham Ford, this man standing behind me is a scientist and we’re trying to save the world.” It was the beginning of a speech she would hear a thousand times, could give it herself if she wanted. But back then she had been surprised and couldn’t avoid the sound of disbelief that escaped her mouth.

“Save the world? How?”

“That’s classified, ma’am.” Eugene says, speaking up for the first time.

“Eugene knows what infected these people. If we’re able to get to Washington, we could hope to reverse it.” Abraham reluctantly explains.

“Well, least we could do is offer you a place to stay for the night.” Their leader offers. “If you can manage to get to Washington, all our lives will change.”

“I appreciate it, sir.”

That night Abraham tries to convince her to go with him and Eugene.

“I’ve seen you can do. Most of these people don’t even know what they’re doing, but you do. How did you get good like that?”

Rosita shrugs her shoulders. “I pick up things easily.”

“Why don’t you come with us? Is there anyone keeping you here?”

And the truth is there isn’t. She lost hope a long time ago of ever hearing back from her family and, though the people in her group are not bad, there’s no one she’s particularly attached to.

“There isn’t anyone.” She answers him seriously, looking him in the eye, and she thinks Abraham can see she is as lonely as he is.

+

That’s the story of how she decided to join them on their crazy mission. She was doing fine with her previous group, but Abraham made her feel needed like she hadn’t in a long time, and not only because they had a mission. Together with Eugene, they built their own makeshift family, one with a rigorous military routine but also a lot of love and laughs.

Not long after, her and Abraham’s relationship turned romantic. They never talked about it, just settled into this couple routine. It started with them both scratching an itch in the middle of the apocalypse (because why not?) then evolved into them becoming inseparable. And slowly she fell in love with this tough and hot-tempered guy, who could also be sweet and funny when it was just the two of them. And even if he never said it, she knew he loved her too, in his own way.

Life was still stressful, and they fought a lot, but she figured it was as good as it could be, considering the circumstances. But she never expected they would end up here, all alone in the middle of a clearing in the woods, with her yelling at him and trying to get him out of his own mind, of whatever place inside himself he had crawled into after finding out that Eugene was lying.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded in vain. “Look, I know you’re upset, but don’t shut me out, okay? Talk to me, Abraham, please.”

Abraham, however, kept his stoic pose, kneeling on the ground. It didn’t even seem he was hearing her. So she sat on the ground too, a couple feet away, her back against one of the trees and prepared herself for a long wait.

“I’m not going anywhere without you. So take how long you want,” Rosita declares once more, but he doesn’t seem to register her speaking.

She lost track of how long they stayed in that clearing. It felt like hours until Abraham finally started talking.

“Having a mission…taking Eugene to Washington, saving the world, it was the only thing that kept me going. I would have put a bullet on my brain if I hadn’t met him. He saved me.” He said, looking downwards to his hands in front of him instead of at her.

She’s not sure what to say, until then neither Abraham nor Eugene had talked the specifics of their meeting, so she settles for a diplomatic answer when she realizes he’s not continuing, “You saved him too. He would be dead a thousand times over if it wasn’t for you.”

“You don’t get it. I had nothing else to life for. And now I don’t have anything, again.” Unintentionally, Rosita flinches at that. She knew Abraham had lost people. How could she not know when she had to look at his wedding band every time she patched up his hand? But she thought he had found something worth living for again, something that included her. At least, that’s what she had convinced herself of.

“That’s not true and you know it.” She says softly but determined. “We are still here. And all of us, me, Tara, Glenn, Maggie, Shane, and even Eugene, we count on you to help keep us alive. We’re still here and that’s reason enough to keep going. It has to be, right?”

Abraham goes quiet again and she starts to worry she will never get through to him. Until finally he says, “Alright. I just need to know something before we go.”

“Shoot.”

“Are you afraid of me? Is that why you’re sitting all the way over there?” He asks her seriously, making eye contact for the first time.

“What?” She answers confused.

“I mean, after what happened yesterday. You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, right? I would never…”

“Abraham, I know.” She cuts him off emphatically. “I knew you never meant to hurt me. It’s not who you are.” She says and she can see him visibly relax before her eyes.

“So we are good?”

Rosita turns her face away from him, unable to look into his eyes. It was a fair question, but she hadn’t allowed herself to think about “them” as a couple while trying to bring him back. They had been fine before; actually, they had been more than fine. Despite all the difficulties, she had been happy with him. And him accidentally hitting her didn’t change how she felt, but hearing him say he had nothing else to live for…that had broken her heart. And it had made her realize that they had been in different pages about their relationship all along.

“Abraham… you’re my partner, and the closest thing I’ve left of a family in this world. Nothing can change that. But as a couple…I think we’re over.”

He nods, seeming to have expected that answer. “And that has nothing to do with me hitting you?”

“No!” She answered quickly and outraged. “Of course not.”

“So…?”

“It’s because I’m not enough for you to keep on living.” She looks away from him. “I don’t need to be your everything or something like that, but I needed you to want to live, to want to build something together. I love you, and you don’t love me, not in the same way.” She pauses before cautiously adding, “Not in the same way you loved your family.” Rosita can see him trying to argue and quickly adds, “And that’s okay! You don’t have to. But you never talked about them, have you noticed that? I don’t think it’s fair to continue this when you don’t love me and you’re not ready to open your heart to me. Maybe someday you’ll be, but I’m just not that person to you.”

Abraham looked at her dazzled, as if he couldn’t believe everything she had just told him. “Rosita Espinosa…you’re damn near perfect, you know that? And way smarter than I am.”

“Yeah, I know. C’mon, let’s get back on the road and go back to the church with everyone else.”

“When did we decide to go back there with them?”

“Now. I just did.”

“Now you’re just getting bossy, woman.”

And Rosita laughs. She really wants to cry and eat a big pot of ice cream watching sappy movies with her roommate and nurse her broken heart. But it’s the end of the world and she can’t, so she puts her brave face on, laughs together with her ex-boyfriend and pretends everything is alright.

And this time, on the way back she walks ahead of him, certain of where she is going, and even though her heart hurts, it feels strangely liberating to not be blindly following Abraham.

+

They get back to the road where they had left the others quickly. Eugene is already up, and Maggie is checking him for injuries near the truck. Shane is the one that spots them first.

“Took you two long enough.” He says, his voice weary and she notices his eyes glancing all over her body and checking for new injuries. Rosita doesn’t know if she should feel touched that he cares or pissed off that he doubted her ability to bring Abraham back, both of them in one piece.

“Had lot to talk about.” Abraham answers before she can say anything and Shane nods.

“Glenn and Tara just came back bringing water and some food. We’re thinking of eating something now and heading back to the church before we loose all daylight.” He explains, and Rosita and Abraham agree.

And just like that, it’s business as usual again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...I hope y'all enjoyed my Rosita backstory. I know it feels kinda like a filler chapter, but I felt it was necessary to deal with hers and Abraham's break up from her point of view. Plus, I really wanted to ret-con the show and make it her decision. lol. Next chapter we're back to Shane's pov and things will move much quicker, trust me!

**Author's Note:**

> I have lots of feels about these two and what type of interactions they would have had, so yeah...that's what happened.  
> Thanks for reading. Comments and kudos warm my heart, so tell me what you think.


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